”The hardest part about traveling..”

Sist jag kom hem från New York halkade jag in på en artikel som träffade mig rakt i hjärtat. Den förklarade precis alla känslor jag kände just då, om hur svårt jag hade det att komma tillbaka till vardagen.

Den gången hade jag bara varit iväg i två veckor, ensam i en, vilket kanske gjorde det än mer överväldigande med hur svårt det var att komma tillbaka. Det tog över en månad innan mina nära började känna igen mig igen. Men jag visste inte ens om det var bra eller inte; Om jag ville hitta tillbaka till den Lina jag var innan jag reste eller om jag ville behålla den sidan av mig jag återupptäckt när jag var iväg. Och jag visste absolut inte hur de två skulle kunna kombineras. Jag vet i skrivande stund fortfarande inte hur det ska gå till men jag vet i motsats till alla andra att det inte var en depression som drabbade mig när jag kom hem, det var insikten att jag egentligen aldrig har slutat längta bort.

”The hardest part of traveling no one ever talks about”

You see the world, try new things, meet new people, fall in love, visit amazing places, learn about other cultures – then it’s all over. People always talk about leaving, but what about coming home?

Once you’ve done your obligatory visits for being away, you’re sitting in your bedroom and realize nothing has changed. You’re glad everyone is happy and healthy but part of you is screaming don’t you understand how much I have changed? The way your dreams have changed, they way you perceive people differently, the habits you’re happy you lost, the new things that are important to you. You want everyone to recognize this and you want to share and discuss it, but there’s no way to describe the way your spirit evolves when you leave everything you know behind and force yourself to use your brain in a real capacity. You know you’re thinking differently because you experience it every second of every day inside your head, but how do you communicate that to others?

You feel angry. You feel lost. You have moments where you feel like it wasn’t worth it because nothing has changed but then you feel like it’s the only thing you’ve done that is important because it changed everything.

This is why once you’ve traveled for the first time all you want to do is leave again. They call it the travel bug, but really it’s the effort to return to a place where you are surrounded by people who speak the same language as you, that language where others know what it’s like to leave, change, grow, experience, learn, then go home again and feel more lost in your hometown then you did in the most foreign place you visited.

This is the hardest part about traveling, and it’s the very reason why we all run away again.”

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